Quiz: What’s Your Conflict Style?

14 thoughts on “Quiz: What’s Your Conflict Style?”

    • Thanks for your response, Cocow! I’m glad you liked the quiz and learned a bit about your communication.

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  1. This is a great quiz. I am validating, and learning about the down side of that and what to avoid is so helpful. I really identified with those things.
    Susan Rovello

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    • Hi Susan! So glad you enjoyed the quiz! I’m validatng too with a touch of volatility as well. Thanks for leaving a note 🙂

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    • Hi Michelle,

      The 3 styles are conflict avoiding, validating and volatile. You bring up a great point that I didn’t give much of an overview in the post. I’ll go back and add to it and am glad you brought it to my attention!

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  2. I’m Validating.
    I have CPTSD. I put a lot of work into my personal and relational stuff, which is helpful and can make me hyperaware. Thank-you, this is very helpful and is worded in a way it helps me connect with how I’m probably exhausting my husband and compromising us.

    I can be dogged about pushing a conversation regarding areas that are not changing and I believe to be unhealthy for us. I start to feel panicked that, from my perspective, we’re not ‘making progress’. We’ve been together almost twenty years, and there are multiple areas we haven’t developed, healthily. Sometimes, the desperation to be free from CPTSD compromises, as well as the limitations of our life together, start to become very threatening. Most of the conversations seem to be about important stuff.
    There’s another exercise to move toward…What’s important and warrants a conversation, and what is better left to die on the vine?
    I recognize, the conversations can be time-consuming, prohibitive and ultimately exhausting for both of us. At least, fifty percent of them end up being counterproductive.

    I will use this to help guide me, thank-you.

    “The validating style can be time-consuming.
    This is great if you’re learning new things, but not so great if you’re re-hashing things that would be better put to rest. Sometimes it’s better to bite your tongue even if your feelings are hurt.
    Save the difficult conversation for the important stuff so you can have more time to spend getting work done or having fun.”

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    • Hi Tania,

      Thank you so much for so many things: your self-awareness, your willingness to share your thoughts for others to see and learn, and for your commitment to personal and relationship growth.

      These conflict styles are complex, and implementing changes takes time so be patient with yourself.

      With much gratitude, Laura

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  3. I found out that my style is validating which waist a lot of time trying to accommodate or understand other person’s feeling instead of carrying on with my work at hand. however, it was an interesting quiz.

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    • Thanks for taking the quiz and leaving a comment. Don’t worry, there are pros and cons to all three styles, so even though sometimes you might waste time, you benefit from clearing the air which means resentments are less likely. Glad you found it interesting!

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  4. Thanks for this short quiz. I thought about the graphic used for this assessment. Having 4 photos made me think you might identify FOUR styles of conflict, but only 3 were listed. I guessed at my answers mostly. I felt I could see behind each option and wanted to choose the one that was most healthy/productive in resolving conflict. Yet I know I get “stuck” in the middle of conflicts, especially between my second husband and his 2 adult daughters. Ugh! Do I just want PEACE without resolution? Not really. But I don’t want to triangulate anything either. I also identify as #9 enneagram, the Peacemaker. I need to do what is healthy for myself as well as support my husband in his desire to connect with his daughters…except I see that he really DOESN’T want to put in the effort. So sad!

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    • Thanks so much for your feedback about the graphic, I can see how four images could be misleading, but ironically, actually, there are four conflict styles. There are 3 functional styles and one that is toxic. Obviously, it’s not appropriate for me to diagnose a problem on an internet quiz, but contempt is the thing to avoid. Also, I appreciate you sharing the challenge of balancing the tightrope between peacemaking and conflict management. It’s a constant challenge! Best of luck to you with your situation Cyndee it doesn’t sound easy and I appreciate your sharing your thoughts!

      Best, Laura

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