“The kind of love that lasts is not something you fall into, it’s the kind you build, moment by moment, skill by skill, year by year. We all want love, but that does not mean we all know how to build it. This wise book shows you how. Kind, clear, and research-based, I found something useful almost every time I turned a page, and how many books can you say that about? I highly recommend it.”
~Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D., Originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Love Is an Action Verb: Stop Wasting Time and Delight in Your Relationship
Looking for ways to deepen your connection? Discover the power to transform your relationship on your own.
There are two books in this series. The first is a traditional self-help book which can be read alone or together with your partner, and the second is a workbook designed for couples to read together and complete the communication exercises together.
Love Is an Action Verb on Amazon (Traditional)
Love Is an Action Verb Couples Therapy Workbook on Amazon (Includes 70 worksheets and exercises)
If you are struggling to rekindle affection, or your partner lacks motivation, knowing what you can do to make things better can be frustrating.
The Power of Love as an Action Verb: How to Show Love in Your Relationships
Many people forget to think of love like a verb, not a noun. As a noun, love is an inanimate object that you find, hold and keep. As a verb, love is something you create, build, and nurture. Not only is love a verb, but love is an action verb. The more you work to care for your relationship, the happier you both will be.
One of the most important ways to show love in your relationship is to make time for quality moments together. This means setting aside distractions and focusing on each other. Whether it’s a date night, a weekend getaway, or just a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation, these moments help build intimacy and strengthen your connection.
Remember, it’s not just about being physically present – it’s about being emotionally present and engaged with each other. And if you want to take it a step further, it requires doing something a little bit differently. Reading a relationship self-help book together is often a great way to start.
Read a Communication Book Together
Reading a book together is one of the best ways to improve your communication without spending a fortune on specialized couples therapy or flying out to a marriage workshop or retreat. You can have fun together while also learning new skills and strategies that have been proven to work.
But many of the relationship self-help books might seem a little out-dated. The research is solid, but the language might feel old-fashioned and perhaps the author makes assumptions about who you and your relationship that don’t resonate.
Wish there was new, updated, inclusive relationship advice? With over 30 years of counseling experience, Certified Gottman Therapist Laura Silverstein has helped stressed-out individuals and couples overcome countless frustrations. And now she’s here to take you behind the scenes of a couples therapy office, share her expertise, and help you avoid simply going through the motions and start empowering change.
Love Is an Action Verb: Stop wasting time, and delight in your relationship is a funny, thought-provoking, surprising new book that helps you dive deeper with your best friend. You’ll learn impeccably researched, step-by-step approaches to manage conflict quicker and leave more room for fun and intimacy. This resource is perfect for couples who like to work independently.
Love Is an Action Verb: Couples Therapy Workbook is an interactional resource that contains over 70 worksheets, flowcharts, diagrams and conversation starters. It is based in the Gottman Method, but the exercises are brand new and designed with the modern couple in mind. This resource is perfect for couples who like to work together as a team.
And by following Laura’s practical guidance, you and your partner will soon be helping each other find your way back to joy.
Loving What Is
You might want your partner to change, or you might blame yourself and think you’re the one who has to change. But the truth is, you both are already lovable right now. You’ll both be happiest when you embrace the beauty that is right in front of you. If you strive to create a more compassionate and self-aware life, the first step is to embrace loving what is. Loving yourself even when you mess up, loving your partner even when they forget to do something important and loving your relationship even though it is imperfect.
Most people feel a sense of empowerment when they stop waiting for their partner to change and start a process of radical acceptance. Then when you approach the changes and improvements you want to make, you are doing so from a place of confidence instead of guilt or shame. Once you’ve identified the areas of your relationship that could use a little extra love and attention, it’s time to start creating new habits and strategies for dealing with difficult situations. Practice being patient with yourself, and don’t expect too much too soon; progress takes time!
Invest Now to Save Time and Money in the Future
At the time this article was written, 50 minutes of couples therapy costs $150-$175 with a generalist, and if you want to meet with a highly experienced and seasoned couples therapist, be ready to spend $225-$300 per session. This makes sense for people whose marriages may be hanging on by a thread, but often times people don’t need therapy, they just need information, strategies and communication exercises.
You can purchase Love Is an Action Verb eBook for $9.99, and Love Is an Action Verb Couples Therapy Workbook for $24.99. Buying both books will cost you $33.99, which adds up to about eleven minutes of couples therapy with an expert.
We all know brushing your teeth is better than getting a cavity; the same is true for relationship health. If you carve out a weekend to set up your own private mini couples retreat, you can save yourself a ton of pain and money.
Here is what some of the top relational psychologists in the field have to say:
In Love Is an Action Verb, you’ll discover:
- Carson and Jamie, a fictional couple who join you on your journey through the book
- Formulas and flowcharts to help you stimulate productive and positive discourse with your significant other
- How to deal with disconnect, so you always feel understood
- Ways to save money on pricey counseling by tapping into the power of self-reflection
- Gender-neutral examples to bring real-world problems to life with practical solutions
- Exercises, printable worksheets and workbooks based on empirical research, and much, much more!
The Love Is an Action Verb series is your handbook for romance, profoundly personal yet universally applicable. You’ll enjoy Laura Silverstein’s action-oriented books if you like well-researched information and relatable, humorous writing with fun interactive exercises.
Love Is an Action Verb
Stop Wasting Time and Delight in Your Relationship.
Live your best relationship with this practical guide.
Improve your relationship, deepen connection, and brush up on your communication and empathy skills (strategies that work with or without your partner).
About The Author
Hi, I’m Laura!
I help people find more happiness and clarity in their lives. As a couples therapist, small business owner, writer, and educator, I have helped thousands of people feel more connected and less divided.
As clinical director and co-owner of Main Line Counseling Partners, a small private practice, in Bryn Mawr, PA, I oversee over 5,000 hours of therapy a year, manage a team of therapists, and provide live workshops and trainings to aspiring couples therapists.
But I am a student.
Every day I am humbled by the courage and bravery of my clients as they trust me with the welfare of their marriages, families, and mental health. I have had some of the most brilliant mentors in my field and continue to learn day after day. I am certified in the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy and work with Drs. John and Julie Gottman on their research team.
I am blessed with a devoted spouse, extraordinary children, and parents who taught me that I could make a difference in the world. When all is right in the world you can find me near the ocean on a windy day.
-Laura Silverstein, LCSW
Certified Gottman Method Couples Therapist
Praise for Love Is An Action Verb
Love is an Action Verb is a superb book for anyone in a relationship who wants to improve their lives and help their significant others along the way.
With more than three decades of experience as a couples therapist, trained by the best clinicians, informed by cutting-edge empirical research, and written with passion, conviction, humility, and good humor—Laura Silverstein has produced an engaging, informative, and effective guide to improving your relationship.
Read this book now!
– Sheldon Solomon, Ph.D.
Professor of Psychology at Skidmore College, American Psychological Society Fellow, and a recipient of an American Psychological Association Presidential Citation (2007), a Lifetime Career Award by the International Society for Self and Identity (2009)
Before offering an endorsement to this wonderful book, I simply want to say “Thank You” to Laura Silverstein. She asked me to write a blurb for her book which I was more than happy to do because of our friendship. Yet, as I was reading Love is An Action Verb, I found myself being lovingly challenged and quite moved. Thank you, Laura.
As a priest I find myself officiating at a large number of weddings (one of my favorite parts about being a minister) which means I am given the opportunity to journey with couples from engagement all the way to their special day through pre-marital counseling. Often, months or years later I hear from one of the partners in a couple I’ve married asking to “talk about something” related to their relationship. I have in fact recommended and brought couples to Laura and her practice in the past. Now, thank G-d, I can bring Laura to those couples through this book. I will be giving this brilliant, accessible, inclusive, and loving book to all of the couples that I will be marrying and counseling in the future. Laura has downloaded her many years of experience and expertise into a compassionate and very readable text that will offer healing and growth to couples. Love is an Action Verb is a blessing.
– The Rev. Charles Lattimore Howard, Ph.D.
Episcopalian Priest and Theologian, University Chaplain and Vice President for Social Equity & Community University of Pennsylvania
I thoroughly enjoyed Love Is An Action Verb! Laura Silverstein’s style is so inviting. Her book is funny (most important to me), literary, and accessible while also being highly professional and informative. I LOVE her use of Shakespeare, the Williams sisters (tennis legends Venus & Serena), and the metaphor of the canoe going over the waterfall. I think Laura strikes the perfect note by including these relatable touch points – it makes the book engaging and brings her points to life in humorous, thought-provoking, and intelligent ways. She is a seasoned expert who simplifies the complex matters of the heart, while also challenging the reader to think deeply.
Laura is a terrific writer with a clear, consistent voice. As a published author, I know how grueling it is to write a book and bring it to life. I’m so impressed by Laura’s creation of Love Is an Action Verb!
– Fran Gerstein, MSW, LCSW, BCD has worked in private practice for over 30 years, having served as clinical director of the Renfrew Center’s outpatient department. In addition to eating disorders, EMDR and family therapy, Fran specializes in grief and loss and recently published a book called Grief from the Inside Out, which is available at Amazon.com. She is Past President of the Philadelphia Area Group Psychotherapy Society and a past board member of the PA Society for Clinical Social Workers.
Love Is an Action Verb is simple but powerful, and includes evidenced-based reflections, advice and exercises to create the change in your relationship that you have actual control over. Laura Silverstein has synthesized a body of research into actionable steps you can take to show up as your best self, overhaul your communication and create joy in your connection. Every individual needs a go-to guide that is chock full of relationship golden nuggets.
– Laura Heck, LMFT, Certified Gottman Therapist
She is a relationship specialist, solely focused on helping couples. Laura is co-host of Marriage Therapy Radio, hosts The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop for couples, coaches women through the Epic Wives Experiment, and speaks and trains for The Gottman Institute.
Laura Silverstein’s Love Is an Action Verb is an eminently readable, sensible guide to improving relationships. Unlike authors of similar books, Silverstein does not assume that every reader has a partner eager to join in their quest. Thus, she provides a separate section for those who either must or prefer to begin such a journey on their own.
Furthermore, rather than issuing pronouncements from on high, Silverstein speaks as one vulnerable human to another. She admits that despite her years of training and experience, she still loses it from time to time, making a mess by instantly forgetting everything she ever knew about effective communication. She not only forgives her own foibles but is equally nonjudgmental about the circumstances of her readers, including the different levels of commitment they might bring to the project she outlines. She recognizes that some will want to plow headlong into the text while others will elect to amble along at a more leisurely pace.
Silverstein describes herself as both a realist and an idealist. She recognizes that given life’s complexities, we need to aim for steady improvement rather than impossible perfection. At the same time, Silverstein believes passionately that all of us—even the most empathy challenged—can substantially increase our relationship satisfaction. The task involves developing reliable strategies for short-circuiting conflicts before they get out of hand, and—equally important—reviving some of the fun and excitement that has been lost during years of daily stress and numbing routines.
Silverstein bases her approach on the marital research of Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Over the past 40 years, the Gottmans have studied more than 3,000 couples, identifying the factors that help couples stay together and those that split them apart. They note that all couples fight, but it is how they fight that is all-important.
A nice touch is that Silverstein illustrates her points by quoting the conversations of a hypothetical couple (Jamie and Carson). These show how things can go awry and how they can be remedied. We easily irritate or hurt each other’s feelings even when that was not our intent. As Silverstein demonstrates, there can be a world of difference between how and why communication was initiated and how it “lands” on the recipient’s ear. Silverstein’s exercises sensitize us to those interactive hazards.
By the end of the book, Jamie and Carson feel like old friends—or at least a pleasant couple that we wouldn’t mind inviting over for a game of Scrabble. Similarly, Silverstein herself comes across as a wise companion with whom we might enjoy boasting about our victories but also might like to have on speed dial for our inevitable but manageable lapses.
– Jay Efran, Ph.D.
Professor of Psychology Emeritus of Temple U and recipient of Distinguished Contributions to the Science and Profession of Psychology
We all know that love is a two-way street, but many of my clients often complain that they feel as though they are traveling alone in their relationships. I am so glad to now have Love Is an Action Verb to offer them as a reliable compass to help guide them when they feel lonely or disconnected. With lively writing centered on goals and concrete actions that are grounded in science, Laura Silverstein inspires the reader with reminders that they have the power to affect change. In her approachable and optimistic voice, Silverstein guides the reader in how to apply the lofty goals of Shakespearian love in a practical manner. The theories and methods are easily digested and reinforced with chapter summaries and journaling exercises. Perhaps the book’s greatest theme is the reminder that even though relationships are hard work at times, mostly love should be fun and comfortable. Laura Silverstein has created a real treasure with Love Is an Action Verb!
– Dr. Gail Serruya is a psychiatrist with over fifteen years of psychotherapy and medication management experience, including her work with the Council for Relationships and as the recent founder of Voyage Healing PC, a Ketamine and Psychedelic clinic that offers psychedelic treatments within a therapeutic milieu.