6 Tips for Dealing With Jealousy in Relationships

You might be working hard to hide it from the world, but on the inside, it might feel like you are boiling over with feeling jealousy in your relationship. Like you can’t help but compare yourself to everyone your partner talks to, wondering if they will steal them away from you? It’s a common feeling, my friend, and you’re not alone.

The Truth About Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy gets a bad rap, but the truth is it’s a normal emotion that often happens when you care about someone you don’t want to lose. Perhaps you’ve been hurt in the past, or maybe your relationship is not clearly defined regarding your commitment agreement. You try to be chill and make it appear that you’re comfortable, but it might become problematic if it isn’t addressed. Don’t worry, I’ve got some tips to help you handle it.

I get it; you’re probably tired of hearing people’s relationship horror stories and unsolicited advice from friends who think they know everything. Some people might tell you to chill out and “not be a jealous kind of person,” and others might imply that you must be on to something if you’re having doubts.

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Remember that jealousy is often rooted in fear and insecurity, and by confronting these underlying issues head-on, you can pave the way for a more positive and loving future. You can set boundaries and decide how to enforce them. Don’t assume that your jealousy is a direct result of your insecurity, it might be a sign that you are not getting the reassurance that you need that you are a priority in your partner’s life. The best way to do this is with honest, direct conversations, not by working off assumptions and interpretations.

Here is some practical advice backed by research and experts, not just personal anecdotes. So, let’s dive into it together, shall we? Jealousy is a common emotion in relationships and can sometimes be a healthy response to certain situations, but it can also become toxic if not managed properly.

Here are Some Tips for Dealing with Jealousy in Your Relationship:

  1. Acknowledge your feelings: It’s essential to recognize and accept your jealousy rather than denying it. Try to be open as you work to understand what triggers your jealousy and be honest with your partner about it.
  2. Communicate openly: Communicate your feelings with your partner in a calm and non-accusatory manner. Explain why you feel jealous and work together to find a solution that works for both of you. While open communication is beneficial, it’s also important not to over-communicate. Try to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when you are worried about thier loyalty and try to adopt the principle of “innocent until proven guilty.”
  3. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship: Remember why you love your partner and the positive aspects of your relationship. This can help you manage the moments when you are feeling insecure, or perhaps waiting for clarification about your status or commitment agreement.
  4. Build trust: If your jealousy stems from a lack of confidence, work on building trust in your relationship. Trust is built through vulnerability and fulfilled expectations. This can involve being honest and transparent with each other, following through on commitments, and being reliable.
  5. Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This can involve engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and seeking professional help if necessary.
  6. Avoid comparison: Remember the sage advice that the grass is always greener where you water it. Try to avoid comparing your relationship to others. Remember that every relationship is unique and has its own challenges. You and your partner are co-creating a partnership that you can define in your own individual way.

Even though jealousy is a common emotion that can arise in any relationship, it can also be a warning sign to take seriously. By being aware of your own feelings, communicating openly and honestly with your partner, and taking proactive steps to build trust and confidence in your relationship, you can better understand the jealousy and decide whether or not there are changes to make to the relationship agreement. This will ultimately create a stronger, more fulfilling bond with your significant other.

Next Steps in Building a Confident, Trusting, and Intimate Relationship

Learning how to deal with jealousy in your relationship is a vital part of any healthy relationship. There are two essential pillars that world renown relational psychologist, Dr. John Gottman presents in his best-selling book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Trust and Commitment are the pillars that hold relationships up and together. Without trust and commitment, jealously is much more likely to rear its head. As you work to slowly solidify the strength of your partnership, it is tremendously important to learn how to be vulnerable with each other so that you can trust that you are with someone who has your best interest at heart and will be there for you when things get rough.

I have created a tool for you to assess your intimacy love language. I recommend you take this quiz and then share it with your partner. Your test results include specific recommendations about how to improve closeness based on your specific preferred style of intimacy.

I hope these tips help you feel closer and more connected and that you feel less alone in learning how to manage feelings of jealousy!


Laura Silverstein, LCSW

Laura Silverstein is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, and author of Love Is An Action Verb.  She has thirty years of clinical experience and is the founder and co-owner of Main Line Counseling Partners, based in Bryn Mawr, PA. Laura is a frequent contributor to The Gottman Relationship Blog and has appeared as a relationship expert in media outlets such as the New York Times, ABC, and Today. She helps couples find more happiness as a research clinician, speaker, trainer, and writer with a positive, action-oriented style.

Leave a Comment