63 Conversation Starters for Deep Dialogues with Your Partner

Why conversation starters?

Over time conversations with your partner might begin to feel shallow and focused more on the daily grind than topics that actually matter. This is normal. It’s probably not a dangerous red flag that your relationship is about to end, but it is likely unsatisfying and monotonous. 

It’s quite easy to reignite the spark with your partner by enjoying deeper and more meaningful conversations just by becoming more intentional in carving out time to talk.

We all know that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but let’s be honest; talking about what’s for dinner or whose turn it is to walk the dog just won’t cut it. If you’re yearning for a deeper connection, it’s worth dedicating ten to fifteen minutes a day to one of the most important people in your life. 

Why Do Experts Recommend Adding More Meaningful Conversations to Your Routine?

You can start feeling like loving partners instead of busy roommates by becoming vulnerable and talking about interesting and meaningful things. 

But I get it; you are managing long to-do lists, and you have a ton of logistics to manage to keep the household running.  It’s easy to tell yourself there isn’t time for serious topics, so you’ll wait for a date night or vacation. 

When couples neglect to communicate about their inner worlds, they may start to feel disconnected, which can lead to resentment and frustration. 

I know this first-hand because I’ve been working as a couples therapist for thirty years. 

Start Talking on Tuesday

While date nights and exotic vacations can certainly help strengthen your bond, waiting for these special occasions to connect with your significant other can lead to a disconnect in your day-to-day lives. This is why it’s essential for couples to make an effort to stay connected in the middle of the week, even when their schedules are busy.

So why not start this coming Tuesday?

Start first by reading the list below and noting the ideas that spark your interest. Next, share the list with your significant other, and finally sit down and talk!

Conversation Starters That Go Deeper Than “How was your day?”’

Conversation Starters for Talking about Your Hopes and Dreams

  1. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
  2. What’s one thing you would like to change about the world?
  3. Where would you go if you could visit anywhere in the world tomorrow (finances and logistics taken care of for you)?
  4. What’s one thing you’d like to improve about yourself?
  5. Is there a hobby you’ve been thinking about picking up?
  6. What are you hoping to accomplish in the next year?
  7. What would you like to learn more about?
  8. What’s one thing you’re excited to try in the future?
  9. What’s one thing you’re excited to do together with me in the future?
  10. Do you want to take a class or course together? 
  11. Do you want to find new ways to exercise together?
  12. Let’s try to … more, I really enjoy it when we do.

Conversation Starters that Build Emotional Intimacy

  1. What’s one of your favorite memories from childhood?’
  2. What’s one of your biggest fears?
  3. What’s something that no one else knows about you except me?
  4. Tell me about a time when you felt lonely.
  5. Tell me about a time when you felt joy.
  6. Tell me about a time when you had no idea what you were going to do next.
  7. Tell me about a time when you felt particularly loved by me.
  8. Tell me about a time when you did something terrifying, and it worked out for the best.
  9. How can I help you feel loved and supported?
  10. What’s been stressing you out lately?
  11. Who has been stressing you out lately? 
  12. How have you been feeling about work/life balance lately?
  13. How have you been feeling about your friendships lately?
  14. How have you been feeling about extended family lately?

Conversation Starters that Help You Feel Known and Seen

  1. What are your top three values in life?
  2. If you could have any emotional support animal you wanted. What would it be?
  3. What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself in the past year?
  4. What’s your favorite way to relax?
  5. Tell me about one of your favorite books.
  6. What’s one of your favorite qualities about yourself?
  7. What’s your favorite type of food?
  8. What’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned recently?
  9. What’s one thing you’re proud of?
  10. What’s your biggest accomplishment in life so far?
  11. What high school class do you wish you paid more attention to at the time?
  12. What’s your favorite type of music?
  13. What’s something you’re passionate about?

Conversation Starters that Help You Feel Cherished and Loved

  1. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
  2. What’s your favorite thing about me?
  3. What’s your favorite thing we do together for fun?
  4. What’s one thing you appreciate about me?
  5. One thing I really admire about you is …
  6. One way I want to be more like you is ..
  7. One thing I couldn’t have done without you is …
  8. What can I do for you to make your life easier this week?
  9.  What’s your favorite thing to do together on a lazy Sunday?
  10. How can I know when you need a little time and space for yourself?
  11. If it weren’t for you, I would never have …
  12. I’m so glad we hung in there for each other when …
  13. One of the biggest obstacles we overcame together was when we …
  14. Would you like more reassurance about how deeply I love you?

Conversation Starters that Foster Gratitude

  1. What’s something you’re grateful for today?
  2. Thank you for taking the time to sit down and really talk to me.
  3. Thank you for all you do for me and our relationship.
  4. Thank you for listening to me.
  5. What are you grateful for about our relationship?
  6. What have you learned about yourself through our relationship?
  7. What have you learned about me through our relationship?
  8. I am grateful for all you do for our … 
  9. I don’t tell you enough that I think you are …
  10. I feel so close to you when we have these kinds of conversations. Let’s keep doing this.

Forward this Article to Your Sweetie

You can’t do this alone! Reading this article was the first step to improving your conversations, but it won’t help to just see a long list of conversation starters without actually using them.

The next step is to share this article with your significant other so you can follow these steps together:

  1. Read the 63 conversation starters
  2. Choose two or three that grab your attention
  3. Take turns with your partner sharing your questions and answers
  4. Listen deeply, and and showing genuine interest
  5. Schedule the next conversation 

NOTE: If things start to get tense, move to a different topic.

Take it One Step Deeper with a Free Empathy Course

These conversation starters are a great way to have more meaningful conversations, but the dialogue prompts alone are insufficient on their own.

In order to feel close, understood and cherished, it’s crucial that you both provide warm, empathic responses for each other when you share. This is especially important for the topics that go beneath the surface of “How was your day?”

Empathy Made Easy is a mini-course for couples in love who want to know step-by-step how to support each other when in distress. Enroll for free HERE.

Congratulations on Prioritizing Consistent Communication

By prioritizing communication and making an effort to stay connected, you can build a stronger emotional connection, prevent small issues from becoming larger problems, and strengthen your bond even when you are managing many obligations and responsibilities. Just adding ten minutes per day might be all you need. 

Need someplace to start? My workbook, Love is an Action Verb: Couples Therapy Workbook is out now!

Enjoy your chats 🙂


Laura Silverstein, LCSW

Laura Silverstein is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, and author of Love Is An Action Verb.  She has thirty years of clinical experience and is the founder and co-owner of Main Line Counseling Partners, based in Bryn Mawr, PA. Laura is a frequent contributor to The Gottman Relationship Blog and has appeared as a relationship expert in media outlets such as the New York Times, ABC, and Today. She helps couples find more happiness as a research clinician, speaker, trainer, and writer with a positive, action-oriented style.

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