Stop Gottman’s First Two Horsemen

Here is a condensed clip of a webinar presented by The Gottman Institute webinar series:

In this communication course: Fight Fair and Repair Successfully, Laura Silverstein, LCSW reviews how to tame the first two of John Gottman’s Four Horsemen (Criticism and Defensiveness are much more common than Stonewalling and Contempt).

Destructive communication styles tear down relationships one conversation at a time. Criticism and defensiveness usually gallop together in a familiar attack/defend cycle. Both partners try desperately to express themselves, and neither feel heard or understood. It is not surprising that the research indicates that these communications lead to relationship dissatisfaction and even divorce.

But we don’t need to fear defensiveness and criticism as if they are the end of the world (or end of a relationship) as the name “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” suggests. Thankfully, since it is the most common fight pattern, relationship researchers have prioritized learning how to help couples escape the attack/defend cycle. Couples therapists teach their clients what to do instead, and you can now see behind the confidential therapy doors with this free communication video course.

Free Communication Course for Couples: How to Stop Gottman’s Four Horsemen

In this 20-minute training, you will learn the following:

• The tried and true communication formula created by world-renown relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman
• Why criticism and defensiveness are the most common of Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
• Exactly how to escape the attack/defend cycle once you’re in it
• How to avoid entering the attack/defend process in the first place
• How to quickly re-direct an argument from an endless cycle into a constructive dialogue (so you can solve problems and make decisions quicker)

Budget-Friendly Weekend Workshop for Couples

Escape the routine and rekindle your connection in three days by enrolling in a DIY marriage retreat.

The only way to attain and maintain healthy, long-lasting love is to deliberately carve out time to prioritize your relationship.

In the midst of life’s chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of the love that initially brought you and your partner together. The fast-paced rhythm of daily existence often requires couples to divide and conquer multiple obligations and responsibilities.

This can lead to couples feeling more like transactional roommates than the passionate partners they once were. 

Time slips by managing logistics and without noticing couples slowly drift apart. Somewhere along the way, life demands stress, and endless responsibilities have left you feeling disconnected and unhappy.

If this resonates with you, you are not alone, and the best solution is to become more intentional about showing your partner how much of a priority they are. You will both feel more appreciated and loved when you spend a weekend having fun together, learning new communication skills and doing exercises and worksheets together.

Free 5-Day Email Communication Course for Couples: How to Tame Gottman’s Four Horsemen

Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are:

• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Contempt
• Stonewalling

The Gottmans research showed that these behaviors lead to relationship distress, but the research participants also taught us what to do instead.

All couples have conflict, and conflict is good because we learn and grow when we hear perspectives that are different from our own. If we fear conflict, it has more destructive power.

But when we welcome sophisticated dialogues, we understand the world with deeper complexity. The world would do better if world leaders developed better skills when it comes to talking about different opinions and values, but the best place to start practicing these skills is in the home.

Free Email Course and Printable Handouts for Couples

In this 5-Day email communication course, you’ll receive an email directly into your inbox every day with a different solution to the four biggest communication problems couples suffer from:

• Understand How John Gottman Defines each of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
• Learn the Four Antidotes (alternative solutions) to Each of the Four Horsemen
• Receive Emails That You Can Share with Your Partner to Practice the New Skills Together
• Print Out Bonus Gottman Communication Worksheets for Easy Access
• Optional: Stay on the Email List to Learn from a Certified Gottman Therapist Every Single Friday with Action-Oriented Relationship Self-Help Tips

Sign Up Now to Learn How to Speak Your Truth with Kindness