There are tried and true strategies that lead to long lasting love and happiness.
But the problem is many people think that “working on a relationship” is a difficult and painful process. It doesn’t have to be.
I am a certified Gottman Couples therapist who has helped thousands of couples save their marriages. Watch this video where I walk you step-by-step through 5 concrete actions you can take to lead relationship health and happiness!
I’ve already helped thousands of couples build healthy relationships and these are 5 steps I have found that work for couples who really want to enjoy the love that is in their life.
The best part is you don’t have to physically do any of this stuff until step 5 which is actually going to be fun, not work, but we’ll get to that later.
For the first 4 steps, all you need to do is think about whether or not this advice resonates with you.
Step 1: Embrace Mutual Respect
First we’ll start with a classic and obvious piece of relationship advice. I’ll spell it out for you … R. E. S. P. E. C. T.
Respect is a core need for a healthy relationship. It isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. If you don’t feel a profound sense of mutual respect, I recommend that you seek the help of a licensed professional.
Step 2: Express A Lot More Positivity than Negativity
Everyone deserves to not only feel loved, but to feel liked and appreciated as well.
We know from Dr. John Gottman’s research that healthy relationships have a 20:1 positive to negative ratio, in comparison to ailing relationships which have a 1:1 ratio. The more you can reach out to your partner to express fondness, admiration and warmth, the better foundation you have for the challenges that will inevitably come your way.
Step 3: Talk About Your Differences When You’re Calm
You’re probably a great communicator already, (even without watching my communication training videos or taking my free courses 🙂
But during conflict with our partners, our skills often go out the window.
One of the best parts about being in love is that we can be real and accepted for who we are at our worst. But that can lead to bad habits, such as saying things we regred during times of conflict.
The easy fix to this is to wait until we are relaxed and calm to bring up difficult topics, or take a break when an argument begins to escalate. Here is a video that walks you through how to take a break to avoid emotional shut down.
Many people think stonewalling is emotional abuse (and sometimes it is). But sometimes it happens because couples keep talking when they should be taking a time out. 👇🏼
Step 4: Focus on Pleasure Not Desire
Humans crave personal connection and intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together.
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy often go hand in hand and sometimes there is conflict when partners don’t feel as close as they’d like to. Many times this comes from an experience of asking for what you want or need more than enjoying what you have and offering your partner what they like.
The more we focus on pleasure in a relationship instead of focusing on expectations and desire, the happier we will be.
Step 5: Have More Fun
Now that you’ve learned the steps to a happy healthy relationship, it’s time to stop working so hard and start having a little more fun.
This happens from scheduling dates and playing games together.
Here are 5 Free Games you can play with your partner that help build emotional intimacy even though you won’t even notice. 👇🏼